how are you?

I AM GOOD. ARE YOU?  hi hi petals, Hope all is right in your respective worlds !! When was the last time a friend, foe or [im]p...


hi hi petals,

Hope all is right in your respective worlds !!
When was the last time a friend, foe or [im]perfect tindering stranger tepidly dripped out the tired 

“ h o w a r e y o u ? ”

as if a slave disciplined to adhere to the tired demands of convention? The phrase has now morphed into a chameleon for care, commissioned by humanity to materialize at the start of every weary conversation with various weary faces. A bit harsh of me? ha yeaaah it is. But I genuinely do think its lost meaning in a very unfortunate way. "How are you?" or its even more perplexing cousin variation- “hows it going” is it referring to my life?... you want to know how my life is going? It's a bit long. Do you really want to know how my life is going? Well, ok mate, you better strap in and get comfy cause it's a 21-year long story condensed. It all really got going when my alien looking head got snatched out a really comfy cocoon, man I miss that place, bet its got an untarnished 5 stars on trip advisor... I doubt by this point the inquirer really cares about how it is going. 

Ok, I apologise for the antagonistically sarcastic tone. I guess what I'm trying to prompt is more consideration and recognition of the charged meaning underlying that phrase. To ask how someone is doing, or how it [being their life] is going, should for me be imbued with a sense of authentic care. A care that isn't easily rattled by anything other than a mundane "good thanks". 

 The desire for connection, whether it be platonic or romantic, is firstly a display of us being inherently social creatures, and secondly, it appears to be in dire need in today's emotional economy. I don't know how objectively true this is, but there seems to be a connection epidemic, a longing for something more, a yearning for pervasive understanding of the self by others and indeed ourselves. I could be projecting my own fear of being misunderstood [after all I'm only a pseudo-social scientist; minimal science, maximum lack of science] but I doubt this to be the case. My opinion on the fuel that generates this epidemic is something I plan on discussing in another blog post on the book "Happy" by Derren Brown. I'm half-way through and btw it's fantastic so far, v. insightful. But anyways, there was an endpoint I promise...

I think in the crux of my ramble is a hankering for more conscientiousness when it comes to the authenticity of day to day interactions. Confronting the mundanity of day to day "chat" with the virtues of potent genuineness. Practicing deafening defiance through the act of connection in a world of silent disconnect. 
In less convoluted terms: 
  • Try to mean it when you ask how someone is. And be ready to listen and understand.
  • Smile at strangers occasionally [as awkward as this is]
  • Try to authentically connect with others
  • I'm aware it's not easy. Some days you can not for the life of you give two rasclart shits about forging connections. Some people are not people you want to forge connections with. There is a myriad of reasons to obstruct authentic care from taking place. I recognise and accept that, but my whole message is about putting forward a conscious effort to try as much as is feasible. 
  • I don't always adhere. There was one time I was so disinterested and disconnected in the formalities of a conversation sprung upon me at a party, that when it came time for me to expunge the dreary pleasantries of asking how they were I half-heartedly burped out "ha ha I'm good. How are you going?". Not only did we all just arrive but by then I was ready to be going by bus/train/teleportation. Recently I have been making that conscious effort. So if I happen to ask you "how you are going?" or any other variation of the question - I really do want to know. [9/10 times].
  • Sometimes the recipient of an authentic "how are you" may still give you an inauthentic "good" For various reasons. Firstly we've kind of been programmed by convention to partake in the whole tango of polite conversation- we say and do what is expected. Secondly, they may actually be "good, thanks". Thirdly, they may just not feel open to expunging all their cobwebs to you- and that's perfectly fine. But at least in striving for authenticity you set up an aura of genuine openness and care. 
  • Although, if the ultimate goal is creating a society prone to forging meaningful connection, even amongst perfect strangers, it's necessary that both members to the tango [ the asker and askee] are open in their questions and responses. This type of discourse requires trust. A synergised community is one that is imbued with endless trust. 
( rocking my lazy / cute mono brow )

"good thanks."

tea x x x

You Might Also Like